In case you missed all the online and TV buzz yesterday, there was much ado about the latest issue of Time. No, I’m not posting the picture. And, in full disclosure, I haven’t read the article because you have to pay to do so (excellent marketing strategy, right?). The cover shows a very cute, very svelte young, blonde mom in a tank top. She is breastfeeding her 3-year-old who is standing on a stool. The title says “Are you Mom enough?” and presumably, is about attachment parenting, because the subtitle references Dr. Sears. Interestingly, this morning on my Yahoo (my home page) the number one most popular search term is “extreme parenting.”
I don’t even know where to begin with this, so I’ll start with how I think it’s relative to Smart Spending. I don’t think, anymore, that discussing parenting options is smart spending of our time. Having participated in many, many online discussions on various forums–Babycenter, a private board, Facebook, etc.–I don’t think that anything productive comes of it. I feel that in this case, further discussion does NOT lead to understanding, just hurt feelings. ESPECIALLY the breastfeeding discussions. Initially, the cover didn’t bother me, as I thought it was to be satirical. Then as a friend pointed out, satire should be funny.
I read a comment yesterday that parenting should be “best fit parenting.” Exactly. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am very liberal minded and very much a “live and let live” person. Why can’t we moms do that, when it comes to parenting choices? Are we that insecure in ourselves, that we have to broadcast our choices and seek validation? I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old, and we still co-sleep. There you go, that’s the first time I’ve ever said that publicly. Before that sentence, it was just for me and my family to know, as it should be. Sleep with your kids, sleep with your dogs, I don’t care–do what works for you.
A few weeks ago, a Facebook friend posted a breastfeeding comment that came across as very condescending (and I breastfed!). It even made reference to formula feeding as being ‘weird.’ Ouch. It just pains me, when I see the hurt moms, who can’t breastfeed for medical reasons, that are made to feel like crap. It pains me, because as a special needs mom, I know many, many moms who couldn’t breastfeed, couldn’t experience it and really wanted to, due to their child’s special needs and limitations (poor suck reflex, swallowing issues, feed tubes, etc.) and they are reminded of that loss all over again. And, it pains me to see moms make other moms feel like crap for their parenting choices. If I want to formula feed (and I did that too!) why do you care?
If you want to breastfeed your kid till he’s four, knock yourself out, I don’t care. But why did you have to show the whole country?
I’m also left wondering–imagine the polar opposite of the photo: Imagine that it’s an older mom, significantly overweight, of color, and she’s bottle-feeding her almost 4-year-old, with the same attitude that this photo portrays–the “hey, these are my parenting choices, deal with it.” How do you think it would be received?
I’m mad at myself for allowing Time (who is probably going to sell a bunch of magazines) to get me riled up over this. Especially this weekend, this is *our* weekend. The time when we’re supposed to come together, and just celebrate all the awesomeness that goes along with being a mom. So anyway, wanted to get this off my chest, and now I am off to hopefully enjoy a spectacular weekend with my family. I hope all you moms out there get to do the same!
Happy Mothers Day! You all rock………no matter what parenting styles we all choose!
Are you a special needs mom? Then go see my other post about this.
Great post, Lisa. Motherhood isn’t a competition. I think any woman who raises a child is mother enough. I didn’t read the article either…that cover made me mad enough not to even want to.
Well stated, Lisa! We all just need to make our choices, be comfortable in our own houses and do what works for each family.