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tips for raising charitable children

January 9, 2013 by · 4 Comments

This past holiday season my youngest was (is) 3 years old and it was our first experience, or first time that it was appropriate, to begin discussing charitable giving with him. It began at the grocery stores, because they had giving trees or charity trees, or piles of gifts to be given away. He would look at the toys under the tree and I would explain to him what they were for. It’s also becoming apparent that despite only being three years old, his line of thinking is becoming sophisticated enough to understand more concepts than I thought, and that teaching him to be gracious and charitable is fairly simple, as long as I pay attention to my own language.

Don’t threaten them with charityraising smart spenders

One of my biggest pet peeves about our society is that so often, charitable giving is seen as punishment. Just ask Lindsay Lohan! But seriously, why is “community service” a punishment? Shouldn’t you give back to your community just because it’s the right thing to do, and not under threat of imprisonment?  Sure, make criminals pick up trash or clean toilets or something else undesirable, and then let’s call it that–“sentenced to 40 hours of cleaning graffiti off of buildings.”

In some families, this happens daily at the dinner table. “Eat your dinner. There are starving children in the world.” How does that make a kid appreciative of donating to a food bank? Now he associates starving children with my shepherds pie that he loathes. I found myself doing this once, when it came to toys that I was picking up for the umpteenth time. I told him that if I had to pick up these things again, I was going to give them away. Then, I thought about that phrase and how it was setting up donating used toys as a punishment. Now I stress the importance of taking care of the nice things you have, and if you care about not having the dogs find them and chew them, you put them away.

Be visible with your charity work and donations-and take credit for it!

When you are donating, have them present with you or talk about it at the dinner table, or in the car as you’re going to drop off items or mail an envelope. Tell them what you’re doing and why. Let them participate as appropriate-let them put coins in a donation jar at the store or help pick out their own gently used toys to give away. Choose your language–instead of “I’m going to go work at your school for the book sale” use “I’m going to go help out at your school for the book sale.” Using the words help or volunteer instead of work helps them differentiate. Use the words “give” or “donate” instead of “I’m going to drop this off…” Keep your donating and volunteering language present, evident–take credit for what you are doing!

Teach them to be gracious and thankful

I’m not so militant that I don’t let my kids play with gifts until the thank you note is written, which is a suggestion I read online recently. Geez! Talk about a total buzzkill on Christmas morning! But I have always involved them in the thank you note writing for every occasion, even if it meant they were in a baby swing next to me while I did it. Now, he is able to write  a “B” that he is very proud of, so that’s how we did our holiday thank you notes. He added his B.

Remember that little kids have no concept or frame of reference around value of things. So if your 4-year-old asks for several gifts that are $300 each, don’t fret over raising a spoiled brat. He just has no idea how much things cost vs. how much we earn–he just knows that he sees something that he likes and wants. Talk to them about what is an extra special gift, and why, and how to earn extra special gifts and so on.

Set the tone and be positive

Everyone in our society has something to offer. Sure, if it’s a sunny Saturday, I can think of 10 things I’d rather do instead of a heavy work session at my kid’s school or working the concession stand at a ball game. But everyone has to pitch in, so we might as well enjoy it. Even if you’re dreading it, don’t let your kids know. Use “It’s our turn to go clean the church pews but if we work hard, we’ll get it done quickly” instead of “blargh……..we HAVE TO go clean the church pews.” That was admittedly my LEAST favorite thing to do as a kid, even though I didn’t do much cleaning. There were no Leap Pads or similar devices to distract me as a child; I just sat in the church pews bored to tears and longing to run around (which of course we weren’t allowed to do).

Remember, children are learning all the time, so what are you teaching?

 

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Raising Smart Spenders~Philly style!

May 1, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
For this week’s “Raising Smart Spenders” feature, I turned to some of the best moms in the Philadelphia area–the Philly Social Media Moms. These moms are just oozing with great tips, I was amazed at the smart and fun ideas they put out there for this. So sit back, take some notes, print the check list if you want, and get your kids on the path to being a financially responsible adult. It’s one of the best things we can do for them.

Brown bag lunches for school days and field trips. We pack our lunch and snacks for our field trips. It saves me from paying for overpriced foods my kids won’t eat anyway, it’s healthier, and I am not stuck waiting in line with hungry kids. ~Jennifer from Jersey Family Fun.
 
We have profit sharing in our home. We share the household budget with all the kids and they help with controlling costs. For example, if we budget $200 for our electric bill, the kids focus on cutting off lights etc to make sure we hit budget. If we hit budget we contribute to our vacation fund. If we are under budget, we split the “profit.” If we miss budget, we pay the overage out of the allowance, eating out and vacation funds. ~Uneeka from PowerMommyNation.com.
 

 

I tell my kids to buy small when they just want to try something. When we’re in a warehouse store, they know not to ask for something new because if they don’t like it, they’re stuck with it. Instead, they say “I’d like to try those cookies next time we go grocery shopping.” The price per unit might be more at a supermarket than at BJ’s, but if the huge package goes uneaten then all that money is wasted, too. ~Cindy at Whatever Works.
 
I am giving my youngsters (2 and 5) their own cash, and am learning to let them spend it on whatever they want, without censoring them. I think this will demystify money, and let them see that they can make good choices and bad choices. No reason to make them wait to learn this. It’s only $5 at a time, but they are learning to carry it themselves and make choices about spending. I don’t buy them treats out of my money when we are out, so we don’t have the checkout line battles. ~Darla at HeartWorkOrg.com.
 
My oldest son started out with an allowance, and now he gets an allowance plus the opportunity to earn extra money doing gardening work for me and working for the neighbors. We’ll be doing the same with the younger 4. ~Barb at A Life in Balance.
 

 

Besides my 4-year-old’s piggy bank for his coin savings, we have a dollar box that we use to collect ‘A’ dollars, my son’s first initial. Whenever anyone in the family has an ‘A’ Dollar we put it in the box and talk about how we are saving the money to use as our spending money at Disney, when we eventually go. ~Diane at Knitting Zeal.
 
Right now we use the Save, Give, Spend piggy banks for collecting coins and a tiny “allowance.” We periodically deposit the “save” amount, donate the “give” amount to a charity or church, and use the “spend” for something they want or for our garage sale outings. ~Carrie at Making Lemonade.
 
I have a list of tasks I need done with $ amounts assigned to each one. My kids can do them at will, and they invoice me. I transfer the $ from my checking account to their ING savings account. That money is theirs to spend, but I have found that seeing the interest accumulate coupled with the required two days wait to transfer money back really encourages them to keep on savings. ~Robin at SimpleGreenOrganicHappy.
 


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