Do you know what “jumped the shark” means? I’ve heard the guy on Howard Stern. Basically it’s when a trend or a fad has gone too far and is no longer cool. It’s based on a 70s tv show, when they had the guy jump over sharks with a motorcycle, in an effort to revitalize the show. Elf has jumped the shark. He is no longer cool, and I want him to be cool again.

Today my friend Cecily over at UpperCaseWoman posed a question on her Facebook wall about holiday traditions that she just doesn’t “get.” And of course, people piled on, ranting about how annoying and creepy Elf on the Shelf is. Ok, so I don’t know any of those people and for the most part don’t care, but at the same time it’s mildly unnerving to have someone refer to a holiday tradition that my household does as “creepy.” I’d like to think I’m fairly normal and not a creep. And more and more people are calling him that these days, and frankly I don’t blame them. So I started thinking, why do people think he’s creepy? I came to the conclusion that Elf himself is not creepy, it’s what over-the-top competitive parents are doing to him that is creepy.

Here’s the thing–6 years ago, when my oldest was an infant, my aunt was out shopping for the holidays. She was in a bookstore, came upon a book signing, and it was for Elf. No one had heard of him them, she thought it was cute and voila! a tradition was born for our household. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk with a “neener neener I was doing it before you” but, the elf mania and elf craze really just got nutters last year-at least I don’t remember hearing much about him publicly until last Christmas. Many of us have been silently enjoying our Elves for years. And now, I don’t know who to blame, parents, social media, bloggers or Pinterest… but poor elf has jumped the shark.

Harmless enough, right?

Here’s my elf. He sits up high, next to the knives. Don’t want my boys to touch knives, don’t want my boys to touch Elf. Simple enough and it protects Elf from the dogs. If I get up before the boys once or twice a week and move him, I feel accomplished. And in no way creepy. I don’t threaten my kids with him, we read the book, look at him once in a while and that’s about it. Hopefully I remember to put him away every Christmas eve.

But, if you get up early (or stay up late) to wrap my Christmas tree in toilet paper to make it look like Elf did it, or generate some other elaborate scenario involving Buzz, Woody, Elmo or anyone else, then have the time to not only photograph it but do an elaborate blog post and pin it and whatnot, yeah, that’s tip-toeing into creepy zone. You have too much time on your hands and people are questioning your sanity.

Then began the anti-Elf mania among bloggers and media. I read what I think to be the original post on this last December and it still makes me laugh today. It makes me laugh because she’s not targeting poor Elf, but the parents. (Note: If you are one of the people in that post, we’re laughing at you, not with you and it’s partially because we find your elaborate Elf schemes creepy.) This is not meant to be mean or nasty or all-judgy-pants for those who are doing cute things organically to entertain your kids.

And 2012’s trend is the “naughty elf.” Yes, I too have made a joke on my blog about Elf getting into my wine (I have to blame someone). But please parents and bloggers, please stop.

I love when my 3-year-old looks up at me with wide eyes when Elf is in a different spot. I don’t want to think about what Elf might be doing to Barbie or Ariel while I’m sleeping, or see  photos of him in disturbing positions with My Little Pony. I don’t want to have to think about Elf smelling like cigarettes, whiskey or loose women. This week alone, I’ve seen Elf puking (presumably from too much drinking), laying next to an open prescription bottle and making a noose for Gumby. Enough is enough, stop trying to outdo each other.

Sure, if you purchased one you’re entitled to do whatever you want with it. But I am also entitled to voice my annoyance and disdain at it all. My boys are 3 and 6, and they are beautiful and innocent and this is one of the most magical times to be a parent–at Christmastime and with children this age. So I’m allowed to be annoyed when, as happened on Friday, someone comes into my home, sees Elf and then says “Is that one of those elves?” And then proceeds to tell me all the “funny” pictures they saw of him. It’s Christmastime, I don’t want to talk about my kids and cigarettes , prescription drugs and sex in the same conversation, thankyouverymuch.

I don’t need to see him constantly in my Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram feeds. Having him over look my kitchen is plenty. If you must do these activities, either the naughty or the nice kind, we don’t need to see the photos, you can keep it to yourself. And I’ll just add it to my list of holiday traditions that I just don’t get.